My Lyme Warrior Anthem

Bell's Palsy of the Gut and Lyme Disease

4/29/13

For the past 3 days I’ve been in what I can honestly call agony with what I believe to be something which has been nicknamed Bell’s Palsy of the gut. For many years I suffered from what docs thought may be IBS Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but now it seems that it was a lyme infection as it cleared up during the 10 weeks of antibiotics. As time went on after the doxy (antibiotic I took), this changed into a sluggish eliminative system. A thermogram some years ago showed a lot of inflammation in my body and digestive system and a lack of good bacteria.

A birthday with wine and sweets (eaten over a few days), and a relaxing of my protocol,  threw my body into an attack of indigestion, cramps, cold sweats, severe bloating, gas,  and a near stop of eliminative action. This meant that I was in pain and discomfort all day for 2 or 3 days. I was left feeling extremely weak and despondent. I’d been feeling so much better that this was a big disappointment. I addressed the problem by vigilance and a return to my program and this morning I feel much better. I did take L-Glutamine (amino acid - good for gut repair and building lean muscle, 2 big glasses of water &  psyllium husk and 2 cascara sagrada (gentle herbal non-cramping laxative) for the past 2  nights, and then I went back on my program. .

I believe that my program has been  slowly chipping away at the spirochete population and escorting them and their by products out of me. I do think it’s time to lessen the amount of things I take.

This gut devastation left me feeling weak as a baby and discouraged at first, but this morning I feel much better and I’m so glad that I have some knowledge in how to explore care for myself and return my body to balance. You can do this too. Not in exactly the same way I did. Our bodies are different. For some of you everything that works for me may work for you as well. For others some of the things I’ve tried and intend to try may not work at all. With research and courage and intuition you can find your own way. There are many of us preceding you and holding up the torch to light your way on this  journey.

 Dietrich Klinghardt, MD PhD, one of the more known LLDs, and one whose work & lyme expertise I trust, has suffered from lyme himself.  This has made him determine to research and find solutions to lyme disease. His take on it,  and I am in accord with him,  is that spirochetes have probably been in humans probably forever naturally, as are a multitude of other microbes and bacteria - some existing symbiotically and helping us, some having minimal effect, and some harming us. He feels that 30 or 40 years ago spirochete activity became more aggressive in humans.

In my research on lyme I’ve read that many llds feel that spirochetes will be attracted to weak areas in each individual’s body and be more aggressive and successful in their invasion in bodies with weak immune systems and in particularly weak areas of a person’s body. In people with skeletal injuries for instance spirochetes are said to flood the location of a an injury and initiate an infection. People with many root canals can have spirochete invasion in the root canal or those with many mercury fillings can provide spirochetes with material for biofilm.  Dietrich Klinghardt, , MD, PhDa prominent and well respected lld says that people who eat high fat diets or high meat diets also enable spirochetes to flourish.  The same with people who live in moldy homes or expose themselves excessively to too much cell phone computer etc. People with parasites, which Dr. K thinks are in a large percentage of the population also show a more severe reaction to lyme. Medical and life history, past traumas and present stresses, as well as present attitudes and emotional states all impact how the spirochetes act in our bodies according to Dr. K and all makes common sense to me.

My gut was a weak area so the 'spirodudes'  flocked there. If you have this Dr. K and others feel that getting rid of parasites and yeast is very important.It's felt to be an important issue in all Lyme issues by some doctors.

SHAKING HANDS WITH LYME A Vision Quest - through the Wilderness of Lyme Disease “Blessed are the souls - who having solved the paradox of pain, come through to joy again“. On United Nations Day, as I showered, I felt what I thought to be a skin tag from a scratch high up on the inside of my thigh,. I looked down and saw a big red spot with a darker spot in the middle. This discovery was to lead me on a frightening and challenging journey. In fact I started this blog a bit too early. I had no idea of the confusion and lack of focus which would come over me both from the reactivated lyme which doctors told me I’d probably had most of my life, and from the 10 week antibiotic treatment which many lyme patients told me was not long enough. I am still en route…unsure of my final destination but mostly full of hope and a deep commitment to reclaiming my health & my life. I recently stated to myself first, and increasingly to others: “I may come out of this with better health than I had before !” 2/19/12 The Doxycycline, antibiotic of choice for lyme treatment - caused me to feel really dizzy and queasy after a while. A very long standing Digestive problem did clear up while I was on the it though. When I stopped the doxy I quickly scrambled to set up a program to hold the infiltration of the lyme disease into my body at bay. I knew I’d have to fine hone it in time. I envisioned that my 2 doctors: allopathic, and naturopathic & I would arrive at a plan in time, but I felt a need to hold back the invasion as well as I could until I researched enough to know what I was dealing with. Beginning with childhood I’d had a lot of health challenges. I almost died when I was 8 (in Italy) from a “virus”. I developed an incredibly high fever, shakes, headache and convulsions , which resulted on my being rushed to the hospital where the prognosis was not good. My father was told I might die. When I came to this country at age 8, I was vaccinated before departure from Genoa, Italy. In NYC for some reason (perhaps papers were misplaced), I was given the vaccines all over again. Most health conscious people are by now aware of the dangers of vaccines. Throughout my childhood I suffered many sore throats and cold viruses and was frequently put on antibiotics, a way many begin a downward spiral as their beneficial bacterias are diminished right along with the harmful ones. Fortunately my insistence on keeping my tonsils was honored. This was not due to fear but to a deep feeling that my tonsils were guardians at the gate, an important part of my immune system. I still have them. My life was full of change, insecurity and traumatic experiences from childhood on. Childhood traumatic experiences can deeply affect how our immune system responds to threat and attack. When I was 2 my parents made an arrangement to leave me with my babysitter as they began to emigrate the family (2 parents and 6 children) to the U.S. I was not to see my mother and some of my siblings again for another 6 years. Once in this country and reunited the family was hopeful and excited to be together again. Several months later my brother and sister 19 & 20 were at someone else’s house when a fire took their lives as they tried to rescue the children of the house. This pattern of what seemed to me and anyone familiar with my life to be excessive shocks, difficult circumstances and tough luck persevered and continued throughout the rest of my life, with among the difficult times: a house fire of our own where we lost everything, a miscarriage, a cancer diagnosis while pregnant with my middle child, the severe illness of one of my children, the premature death of my brother from misperceived medication, a divorce, and more than I feel like continuing to list. In spite of this I see my life as having been a great gift and view it as a joyous life, even now as I‘m shaking hands with lyme. Over the years as I continued through life, I was diagnosed with a variety of syndromes, viruses and conditions, among them were: Epstein Barr virus, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fybromyalgia, severe Candidiatis, Hypothyroidism, which was untreated despite my pleas for many years for more specific tests - and so turned into Hashimoto’s Disease. I also was diagnosed with cervical cancer while pregnant with my second child. I mentioned this in my about me segment of my blog but not everyone reads those. Although my 4th opinion, a prestigious medical center’s oncology/(cancer) clinic recommended aborting the fetus and giving me a radical hysterectomy followed by radiation & chemo I accepted no procedures or treatment. The doctor’s prognosis was that the fetus which I so foolishly insisted on calling the baby (I was 4 and a half months pregnant by then, would have no mother because I would die. Too many doctors view the letters of their degree MD as really meaning medical deity. They then deliver medical prophecies. I said Sayonara went home and created a plan to heal and save myself & my baby. This included spiritual, mental, emotional, vibrational & physical aspects. Six weeks after my son Ben was born, I was given a deep cone biopsy and no cancer was found. I am as of this date in proud posession of all my female body parts and still cancer free. The ‘fetus’ is now over 30 and has a brother. Back to the Lyme: When my naturopath told me she wanted to put me on the Cowden Protocol at first I was relieved. There was a PROTOCOL !!! That sounded very official & sure. When she told me that it would cost 600 $ a month I was devastated and said sadly that my family budget couldn’t accommodate such an expensive treatment. Being the compassionate and caring soul she is, she consulted with the head of her pharmacy/apothecary offered me a very generous discount. This was still expensive for our budget. I’m 62 and took early retirement due to my various diagnosis. I said I’d have to go home and talk to my husband. I went home and researched and was suspicious to find that the Cowden Protocol was comprised of time tested and honored botanicals which had attracted the attention of Big Pharma for years and which had been altered by nutramedix, in my opinion in order to allow the company to patent a natural substance. Stephen Buhner one of the first pioneers in acknowledging researching and treating lyme, has this to say in answer to a question about Samento on his website : “Stephen’s response: “… some people don’t respond well to samento. I personally believe that TOA-free cat’s claw does create more side effects than the whole herb does and I have seen this before. Just stop using it.” Stephen Nutramedix, the company which sells the Cowden Protocol (among other health products) is a Filipino owned company founded in 1993 . It’s reported (by their own website ) to be owned by a variety of investors; in their own words: “ a group of dedicated, professional and value-based Filipino entrepreneurs.” They cite their principals(owners) to be : “DUOPHARMA PHILIPPINES, INC. was organized on December 12, 1988 by a group of dedicated, professional and value-based Filipino entrepreneurs of high quality injectables ranging from antibiotics, anesthetics, analgesics, gastrointestinals, neuroleptics, corticosteroids, diuretics, vitamins, oxytocics and other hormones. PNF PHARMACEUTICALS INC. Founded on July 24, 1985. We at PNF PHARMA had one vision which is to combine high quality of standard of branded medicines and the cost effectiveness every Filipino longs for. We believe that quality should never be compromised. ROTEX PHARMA, established on January 31, 2006 by Filipino entrepreneurs. With a dynamic management team with its global strategy, our products became widely known among medical professionals, clinics, hospitals, medical centers as well as sanitariums in both governments and in the private sector. “ Just as I suspected the Cowden Protocol is designed by Big Pharma. The studies mentioned to me by enthusiastic proponents of the Cowden Principle are funded by Nutramedix and are all in vitro (in test tube) . That does not impress or convince me of their efficiency as I’ve read over and over that lyme disease affects everyone differently and in my opinion the course and impact of bacteria, microbes, viruses and disease in a human body can’t be duplicated in a test tube. My research has validated my decision. I have full confidence in my decision to pass on the Cowden Protocol and I keep finding more and more validation to support that decision. 4/10/12 The treatment plan I’ve designed for myself is keeping me from sliding further down the lyme rabbit hole. In fact it’s helping me to emerge, and as I hoped & predicted I feel as if I’m doing so with the result of better health than I had before ! I do have knee and hip and hand & back pain but it’s not new and my protocol has caused it to greatly improve over time. I do have some vagueness and brain fog but it too has improved significantly. Good days and bad days and in between days. Lately I feel as if I did a surface dive, while swimming - into some very dark unknown waters, and I am now re-surfacing, seeing the light and enjoying better health than before. I have designated every day in my life as healing day, And everything I think, do or engage in has to contribute and/or conform to my single minded purpose to be as well as possible in all areas of my life: spiritual, emotional, mental & physical. If you didn’t read the “about me” info, I’ve been a hypnotist since 1990. I first became acquainted with self - hypnosis at the suggestion of my former husband when he found out about my cancer diagnosis. He sent me a book on it. It was a huge help to my mental & emotional outlook and as I became adept at guided imagery and visualization I believe it saved my life and that of my son and is an integral part of my everyday life. My First Protocol : In the A.M. I drink Chai tea and take my thyroid med for Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease which I developed due to my allopathic doctor's refusal to give me more specific tests for the thyroid condition I intuited I had. I live in the backwoods of Vermont and wake up early , between 5 and 7 most mornings. Immediately after making my Carrying my cup pf tea I take my dogs out and often watch the sun come up while drinking it in my beautiful back yard. This sometimes feels like a hardship in below freezing weather, but it’s one of my blessings as well. It gets me up and out into the fresh air, wakes me up better than coffee and allows me a meditative waking up in tandem with the waking up of my world. If the sun is coming up when I go out I receive it’s rays in my eyes which stops melatonin output for the day and increases melatonin production for sleep for that night. When I come in I put on healing music by Dr. Steven HAlpern or any of the healing music composers I resonate to. I believe strongly in vibrational healing. Later in the morning I switch to the energizing music from my high school days. I once read a report about research done by a Harvard psychologists which supported the healing influence of listening to music from our younger healthier days. I have a vita light full spectrum light which I used to use when I was injured and couldn’t go out. Helps with seasonal depression. I should bring it out for rainy April days - although I love to walk in the rain, I need the light every day and ought to return to supplementing myself with that. Before I go out I take my DLPA which is an amino acid which I take for a variety of reasons, pain reduction being the primary one. It also helps depression and the building of muscle and diminishes appetite. I then take a glucosamine for repairing tendons & ligaments and a Serrapeptase and a nittokanese, proalytic enzymes which are said to be very efficient in dissolving the biofilm of the spirochetes. A half hour to an hour later I take grapefruit seed extract, 1,000 to 2,000 mgs of vitamin C with Rose hips and bioflavonoid, a Tbsp. of coconut oil, 1 Tbsp of liquid chlorophyll a tsp of pumpkin seed oil. Later I drink Puehr tea, detox tea or Pau D’Arco tea throughout the morning. A friend gave me Essiac tonic so I add a squirt of that to the tea. As I explained I address the destroying of the spirochetes protective skin, and then destroy them. I’m more concerned though with building up my system and my health in order to create an inhospitable terrain for the spirochetes and lyme co-infections. After the supplements, I make a good breakfast to build up my system. As someone visiting me once said I rarely put anything in my mouth which will not contribute to my health. I also rarely eat anything I don’t want or like very much. Everything I eat is multigrain. I really don’t like white bread & rice & pasta. I eat 2 eggs from a farm every morning with facon which if I ate a lot wouldn’t be good for me as it’s made of soy which depresses the thyroid. But I love the taste and I don’t deny myself. A slice of multigrain bread and one cup of black coffee lately after the chai tea. I then take a multi, a zinc, and a drop of vitamin D oil. Before my daily morning shower I use a practice called dry brushing, said to stimulate the lymph system. Here’s a good link to an explanation of it. Dr. Andrew Weil isn’t into it. I’m not into Weil anyway, having found some writings of his which I totally disagree with. Dr. Klein In my shower I use a liquid castile soap to which I’ve added aromatherapy herbs which influence various issues vibrationally: to help mefocus, relieve the depression this new challenge of lyme activated in me at first, and to diminish nervousness which lyme seemed to each initiate in a big way but which has now abated. I use lavender, grapefruit, neroli, peppermint orange chamomile & vetiver. It smells great ! I’ve also practiced hydrotherapy since I was 14 or 15. For me it’s a meditative practice and a health practice. I never knew that submitting oneself to cold water was a part of a Japanese meditative practice called misogi. My mother’s mother was Japanese so it tickled me that I had unwittingly adopted a practice of my ancestors. After my shower I diminish the hot water and augment the cold. I only do it in the morning as cold water lowers, interrupts or stops melatonin production.

Taking The Reins Over on Your Path to Healing From Lyme

As I said, I have no medical credentials. While I've researched intensively to understand what lyme disease is,  and  and I think I've come to somewhat of an understanding about it,  I don't want to get into a deeply detailed explanatory description of what Lyme is. That's available from many scientific web sites.
Try this site : ww.sciencedaily.com/search/?keyword=Lyme+Disease
I like this one too  : http://www.thehumansideoflyme.net/viewarticle.php?aid=62
 Now why did the second one not come up blue so you can just click on it ?

After my initial 10 week antibiotic, still not knowing much about lyme except for a fast tutorial I gave myself on the internet - while feeling vague and brain fogged... I was scheduled to meet with my Naturapath Samantha Eagle again. Having given it lots of thought and having consulted with that deeper part of me which while it also employs thought for it's musings, relies more on intuition, the interconnectedness with All That IS, and a desire to be naturally healthy as holistic multi-faceted being employing natural means to achieve this. I had decided that more prolonged antibiotic courses were not for me. I was concerned that the terrain of my physical self would be destroyed by the assault of a variety of antibiotics addressing a variety of lyme co-infections. Destroying the good with the bad, the sometimes life saving impact of antibiotics can have as devastation effect on the entire human system which is an ecologically superior balanced self healing, self generating and rejuvenating design unparalleled in it's capacity for returning to homeostasis when properly encouraged supported and stimulated.

I was nervous before my doctor's appointment that I would have to argue about this with my Naturapath. I should have known she would honour & support  my decision not to continue on antibiotics.

She told me she would like me to go on the Cowden Protocol. I am one of those people who need to know everything about anything that goes into my body. Since my late teens I've had a fascination for any books on the human body, even buying medical books when wquite young and poring over them. I also was intrigued by the many aspects of Natural Healing: Herbal, homeopathic, nutritional, emotional, mental, spiritual, orthomolecular... (supplemental) .  From my late teens to today, (I'm 62) I find myself drawn to books articles web sites devoted to a natural healthy whole way of life.

I told Samantha (my naturapath, that I would need to research and consult with my husband on the Cowden Protocol possibility. It's a 6 month program @ 300 $ a month.

I did my research and found many anectodal reviews by lyme patients stating they'd done well on it (many) but some needed to re-do it after the 6 months. One thousand eight hundred dollars x 2 ? That would bring us to $3,600.00 if I needed to do it again. Then I researched the doctor, the protocol products, the research. The studies were done in vitro (test tube). Since lyme and the organisms the tick releases into our bodies are so  adaptive and can mutate to avoid detection as they burrow and lodge into diverse areas of our bodies, how can a one size fits all protocol work for everyone ? Every article I read talks about how differently it manifests in each individual d4epending on medical history, existing conditions and predispositions, mental, emotional, and spiritual dispositions, familial and social support... As with any health challenge the components for returning to wellness are diverse varied and INDIVIDUAL
I also was put off by the company which makes the Cowden Protocol, nutramedix. I saw that they tweaked the natural make-up of Devil's Claw, removed some alkalanoids and surprise surprise, patented the resulting product. The reason Devil's Claw is used by alternative care practitioners and their patients is because of the observation of indigenous people's succesful application of it in inflammatory conditions. Do you think these natives brought the herb into their labs and improved the natural chemical composition of Devil's Claw before using it ?
Do you think they then made it into capsules ?

Over thirty years ago I was very clearly told. You have cancer. You should abort "the fetus" you've been carrying for 4.5 moths and allow me to give you a radical hysterectomy, followed by radiation and chemotherapy. I very clearly said goodby and went on to design and follow my own natural program of recovery. I was told my baby wouldn't have a mother for long.

To encapsulate - if you haven't read previous postings or the about me section, I used natural means to recover, the fetus is 30 years old and has a 28 year old brother. I still have all my "female innards" and have never had a relapse.

During that time I felt vulnerable fearful and terrified (for my baby).  After watching Under Our Skin (a well known film about lyme), , and reading many case histories, medical reports and papers, articles and news reports  on Lyme I felt the same.
Somehow I knew I would get my power back by taking the reins over on the path back to health.

Shaking Hands With Lyme - Initial Care Plan Outline

I now feel I have to go back and organize the information I found online and in books I have. Then I have to hone in on putting together my thoughts and designing a plan. Have to keep chipping at it in the meantime.
I've gathered up a shitload of info - and what I do w hen I research is eventually write an outline and a paper for myself (with info & research references included so I can remember 'why' I decided to take something.
I definitely want as much as I can to originate from the country I live in now. Roots and barks don't   have to come from a rainforest to be powerful. Of course there's more mystique in foreign "cures".
My body has always responded to hot water infusions/teas better than tinctures so what I can find in that form I'll probably take in that form.

I'm thinking I need to organize substances I'm interested in into several categories :

Biofilm Busters, anti-viral anti-bacterial anti- microbial anti-fungal anti-parasitic substances.
anti-inflammatory and pain substances

Detoxifiers and Cleansers:   for the endocrine system and the skin and the bowels where some of the slain spirodudes end up. And some substances (especially upping my water intake) which can offset herxing which is too intense.

Rebuilders: rejuvinators, revitilizers -  and health enhancing substances foods and practices ...
I need to incorporate physical stretching, balance building and strengthening movements into my day.
Spiritual, mental and emotional cleansing andpractices substances to help anxiety and the famous Lyme rage and to help me sleep, and support the adrenals since all this stress drains them.


It's making me tired just looking at all that. I first consulted my intuition and then went looking around the internet and I see that a lot of Lyme veterans did and do some of the things I instinctively arrived at. Rotating the phases above and I also think I may go on one plan for a month or so and rotate plans too, so the spirochetes don't adapt to whatever I'm doing and find ways to withstand.
Having a high deductible as I've always had when I did have insurance has probably saved my life. The people I know who have good insurance have all been persuaded to be good cash flow patients on multiple prescriptions, getting tests and having appointments all the time. I have a strong aversion to doctors, (Naturapaths especially the wonderful one I have now has dispelled some of that)

 I think that aversion is my will to live intuition. I know that the real doctors of long ago, herbalists, energy healers and midwives, were burned at the stake long ago, and those who still remain are under frequent threat of harassment & persecution from the AMA.

I hope I have enough energy left to me to finish off this fight favourably and just live in some semblance of peace, comfort, and tranquility for the rest of my life.
At the very least I can at least give it my best.

Shaking Hands With Lyme.

 On October 24th while showering I felt what felt like little skin tag from a cut high up on my inner thigh. I looked down and saw a red spot with a little darker spot in the middle where I had felt the 'raised skin'. My first thought was that my big exuberant 90 lb. dog Ringo must have nicked the place with his huge toenail while jumping up on me. Something he's still having a hard time with.  For some reason I brought the "piece of skin"  into my line of vision instead of letting it go down the drain. I don't wear my glasses in the shower but as I thought I saw movement I picked them up from the edge of the tub, put them on and saw several tiny black legs waving at me from the alleged "skin"...

I got out - found a jar to put the tick in and finished my shower. Although I've always been a health nut I never read much about ticks or Lyme Disease because I had left Connecticut around age 18 and settled in Vermont. Lyme was not thought to be a problem in Vermont. Hell, Lyme has been downplayed in every state of the Union, even in Lyme Connecticut. I, unfortunately was in the middle of switching from one insurance to another so I didn't go to the doctor until 10 days later when I woke up to a huge tomatoe red swollen spot 8 to 10 " in diameter on the inside of my leg. Being as I'd  been on a photography kick, and taking a lot of photographs lately and I didn't know how soon I'd be able to see a doctor I took some photos of it.

I was able to get an appointment for that day. The doctor, a new one in town impressed me with a lively intelligence, respect for the patient, and a down to earth empathetic approach. She said that since I didn't have the bull's eye rash she believed I didn't have lyme but an infection from the tick bite...   She put me on Doxycycline an antibiotic used for lyme for two weeks.  I'm not sure why she prescribed an antibiotic routinely used to treat Lyme, except maybe her intuition knew it was lyme.

Two weeks according to those medical practitioners who are what is described as an lld (lyme literate doctors)  is not enough at all. When I went home I took my first dose and as the day progressed Began to experience the worst chills I've ever had,  a fever, (which I rarely have as I have hypothyroid (Hashimoto's Disease and have always had sub "normal' temperature),  a raging headache which felt like it went from my tailbone to my head, and a deep aching in my joints.
 My son dropped by and stayed home from work because my husband was at work and as my son said later  he had never seen me in such a condition.I had on sweat pants a sweater a bathrobe a coat and several blankets but couldn't get rid of the the deepest most bone rattling shakes I've ever had. I got through that day, and the next day the bite site had turned totally black !  I hardly ever consult with any type of doctor but this was scary shit !

After doing some research and reading and talking to lyme patients I felt that  Samantha Eagle my ND (naturapathic physician may be more lyme literate than a mainstream allopathic physician so I called. She and her colleague had just returned from a Lyme Conference in Boston !!!  Samantha is a wonderful doctor who respects her client's intuitive knowing about their own bodies.When I went in for my appointment I brought the photo of the bite which had improved somewhat. She looked at my photo, examined the real thing, left the room to consult with her colleague and returned to tell me that she and her colleague, who had also attended the Lyme Conference, concurred that the  bite site which had somewhat subsided was a lyme reaction .  So, I was put on 8 more weeks of the same antibiotic, Doxycycline. A long standing IBS, Chron's kind of condition was absent throughout the antibiotic course and returned after it was done. I felt pretty bad while taking the antibiotics otherwise. When I was done with the course the spirochetes resumed their partying in my body with a vengenceand once again I felt lousy , but not in as immediate a crisis mode as right after the reddening of the bite.

Shaking Hands With Lyme is a phrase lyme patients will see in a different  way than others because as the organisms (spirochetes)  which a tick releases into it's host's body through it's bite rushes to it's favourite spots, which include the deep tissues, joints, brain and nervous system lyme  can cause tremors and shakes.

I may change my entire  blog title to this post title,  Shaking Hands With Lyme,  because lyme, once you're diagnosed with it, and even before if you're bitten and don't know you have been , can take over your life.

 I don't want to be a lymey, a lyme sufferer, lyme patient, or lyme survivor.I don't want to define myself by this one aspect of my life. Once lyme spirochetes take over your body, they infiltrate every area of your life and it can become a struggle to have any life other than fighting the diverse and constantly changing symptoms. But it's a struggle worth fighting. Our lives are wondrous gifts, and meant to be lived joyously and I intend to fight for that.

Some of the areas of your life lyme may change (and not necessarily forever - to use one of my favourite phrases around this Lyme situation these are some of the parts of your life which may change "for now":

 Work:  many people become unable to work afraid that their brains and bodies which have become so unpredictable will not hold up.
 Relationships:  unless you're married to Christ himself or Mother Teresa, your relationships will be strained by many challenges. You may confide in some of your family or friends about what you're going through, and find  there will be big disbelieving silences from the other side, or they wont respond to an e-mail where you've answered their query " How have you been?"
Keeping up with your home: Sometimes you'll have to let a let of chores go at home because every move hurts and you keep dropping things or banging into things because your strength and balance are screwed up.
Recreation: ,    Even reading has been compromised and since I'm an ardent bibliophile (book-aholic), that's upsetting. Spirochetes can affect the eyes. The fatigue keeps you from going places and by the time you get what you really need & have to do done (whatever you can manage to do), sometimes you've used up all your zing for the day.

ExerciseMy many daily walks which are like oxygen to me have had to be shortened and cut down some for now.
 Creativity: Last night I took out my guitar  feeling the desire to play some old songs and write a new one.  I hadn't realized all my zing for the day was gone. It felt sad to put her back in the case without having really felt the spark I usually feel when she's in my arms. An the new song that had stirred awake while I was walking with the dogs evaporated... for now... I keep that phrase "for now" alive in my heart because
Emotions: are all over the place. Depressed/hopeful. defeated/determined. despondent/encouraged... There's even an edginess which varies in intensity from individual to individual which has been dubbed "lyme rage".
IQ ! : Your IQ may not change but it sure may seem like it,  if the spirochetes decided to have' Spring Break' in your brain. Things which were your forte, like spelling for instance may go haywire. Your ability to c'connect the dots' so to speak may diminish.
Spiritual: I have always felt a deep conncection to Spirit and my spiritual world but at times, illness can stand between your and your idea of God/ess. It's almost a challenge to your commitment to your connection to spirit

When I was 30 and pregnant with my second child, I was diagnosed with cancer, as I may have written in the "About me" part of this blog. I was 4 and a half months pregnant. A young hotshot oncologist at Dartmouth Hitchcock Hospitel (my 4th opinion) told me if I was his patient he would urge me to treat it aggressively ; abort 'the fetus', (my baby !), and have a radical hysterectomy followed by chemo and radiation. I told him that what he called the fetus, was already "the baby" in my heart, and I was not willing to sacrifice my baby's life for mine. He assured me that if I didn't follow his recommendation "the baby" (said somewhat dismissively) would not have a mother.

He was implying that if I didn't do it his way, I would die. This infuriated me and I basically said "Sayonara" (goodbye in Japanese). My journey back to wellness is the subject of a book which I've been writing for far too long, called Blueprint For joy. I'm lucky to have this experience in my history because it gives me some confidence in this journey through the mysterious abyss of this Lyme Disease.

This blog will be where I explore symptoms, treatments, my experiences and those of the many people who have materialized in my life who also have lyme. It will help me to organize and outline my own custom made wellness plan and to share it with others. As I said to a fellow lyme challenged person - WE SHALL OVERCOME !

TOXIC PEOPLE

TOXIC PEOPLE Circumstances and people in our lives, sometimes call upon us to take refuge. The first time I heard someone call another person “toxic” I was shocked. It seemed so harsh & sweeping a condemnation. IT may have impacted me harder because it was uttered by “More Spiritual Than Thou” Sort of person who taught a spiritual practice. I decided it would be a phrase I would not use.. Yet, my work with people as a Life Coach and hypnotherapist has clearly illustrated that some people habitually and continually fall on ways of communicating with others which seem to poison nearly every interaction they have. Perhaps they begin as sarcastic witticists, poking jokes and passive aggressive digs at friends & relatives… or sometimes they are fixers and “helpers”; continually offering unsolicited advice … Their modes of delivery vary. Their motives (known or unbeknown) vary, but their effect on others is somewhat uniform. We try, throughout our lives, to keep a forward motion, roll with the punches, go with the flow and to keep a high focus, with our line of vision set at a hopeful, reasonably confident level, so we can function at our highest potential and proceed towards our goals. I have always felt that my most intimate relationships must support this .Most have and do. Over time, some relationships deteriorate, or we come to see them more clearly and find that they consistently lead us to feel hurt, criticized, ridiculed or diminished and /or angry. Anger in my experience is often a cover up for other emotions which cause us to feel disempowered. So it is the impetus of pain, disappointment, anger and a sense of having reached a “last straw” point in a relationship which has caused many people to arrived at a “ cease and desist “ stage in important relationships of long standing in their lives. I never thought I’d be one of them but recently, in the past year I’ve discovered a new found protectiveness emerge over how I spend my time, and who I surround myself with … I call this gathering my Allies, something I do in my spiritual and in my physical life. Thich Nhat Hahn discusses taking refuge as creating "an environment where you are safe from assailment or attack." In his book "Going Home - Jesus and Buddha As Brothers“ , Hahn quotes the 4th Mindfulness training: "Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech, and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and deep listening to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speak truthfully with words that inspire self confidence, joy and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain, or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to split apart.. I will make every effort to reconcile all conflicts however small." (The 4th Noble Truth ) When will all learn to really be open and loving in all our communications ? When will we be vigilant to not attack, or defend preconceived ideas & opinions, leaving ourselves closed to new information or views? When will we cease to be inflexible and confrontational waiting for an opportunity to jump in and negate the ideas and opinions of others as invalid, while continuously attempting to drive home our "superior “ truths ? Most of us have, or have had, people like this in our family, work or social lives. Sometimes we have found ourselves drawn into a downward spiral of drama, accusations and defenses, spending an inordinate amount of time ruminating, brooding, trying to determine our part in yet another conflict with these people in our lives, agonizing on how to remedy or resolve the situation. We must speak the truth, speak out against injustice (even against ourselves). And it’s essential that we establish, enforce and request that others respect our boundaries and wishes to be allowed to create and sustain for a peaceful balanced, harmonious life. Such a life requires us to be diligent in being aware of what we allow into our personal sphere of influence. I have been working on this for some time and have decided that in order to take part in world change I must undergo a transformation. I decided to stop eating meat as a symbol of my stand against violence and due to my compassion for all sentient beings. I make a great effort not to engage in gossip and abstain from over exposure to negative sensationalist news, foul or uncharitable talk and any activities and influences which derail me in my efforts to live my life as I would like to see the rest of the world live. The culling away of undesirable elements from my life has resulted in a parting of the way from habitually angry people, liars, those who purposefully diminish the reputations of others for their own gain, people who find it necessary to use foul language most of the time, people whose ethics are not in alignment with mine, and those who frequently attack, insult, criticize and belittle me. As many of you have experienced sometimes no one can do this as well as an close friend, or a close relative. Heartbreaking as it can be to those desiring to keep old ties and close family contacts intact, sometimes people must, after repeated failed attempts to establish those clear boundaries of what is and what isn’t acceptable to us, sever these ties and bless and release these people out of our lives. This doesn’t mean you should set out to remove all difficult people from your life. Personal emotional mental and spiritual development requires that we The result will be clear to you, immediately after your clear cut decision. The amount of time this will free up in your life is amazing, as is the “incredible lightness of being.” You’ll feel as if you’ve taken a stand for your self and your life, and although you may mourn what could have been, if your attempts for a redefinition of the relationship with new parameters and ground rules could have succeeded, I believe you may feel as I do, free to be your Authentic Self without censure and eager to continue with the fulfillment of a life less hampered by, not “toxic people”, but toxic relationships, and the ensuing damaging emotions they arouse .