I’ve always thought of words as bridges from heart to heart. Unfortunately people sometimes use words in a way which inadvertently or deliberately wound others. Aren’t we fortunate to have words available to understand each other? Why misuse such a wonderful tool to draw closer to one another? They’ve been given to us to communicate with; not to belittle, ridicule attack or diminish.
Think of how difficult it is to figure out what’s wrong when one of your pets is ill or misbehaving. I’ve often heard people say “Oh if s/he could only talk & tell me what’s wrong.“ Or, as in the case of strays who find us, or animals we rescue, “I wonder what her story is…If s/he could only tell me…“
Be deliberate and discerning in how you use words both mentally, in your inner dialogue, and verbally in your interactions with others.
The words which we use in our inner reflections - our thoughts arise from many sources; emotions, memories projections into the future (as in expectations - joyful or fearful)… echoes of words which impacted us from the past (especially those from what we thought of as authority figures in our life). And also when we’re fortunate, our thoughts arise from inner spiritual promptings or guidance. It’s very important to be conscious of the words we allow to stream through both our conscious and subconscious minds. Some think thoughts arise unbidden, and are not subject to our influence, but I don’t believe that. We can choose our thoughts just as we can choose our words.
Where our consciousness resides is what creates the home our mind, heart and soul live in. In time, our thoughts program our brain to make choices conforming to them. Our bodies respond, and we make choices based on our thoughts and feelings. As we continue to dwell on these thoughts and to experience the emotions they evoke, beliefs are shaped, and the paradigms we live by are instilled, deep into our consciousness. Our character conforms to these habitual thought streams and we become our thoughts.
None of us want to live in a worried, suspicious fearful, angry, vindictive, offended, jealous, wounded place. Yet we often allow our thoughts to drift to an inner dialogue or words, which elicit these unpleasant emotions and in turn, we view everything in our world through a lens created by the beliefs and paradigms they shape. Our perspective is warped. The interpretations we are arrive at through the distorted lenses of these thoughts and emotions are inaccurate and damaging, because they are unilateral and don’t take into account all variables and possibilities. Such a single-minded focus creates imbalance and lack of harmony in our lives.
This world demonstrates a duality in practically everything that exists in it, female - male, good - evil , positive - negative, light - dark… That’s not a bad thing. Being exposed to the dichotomies in our world helps us to discern what we resonate to and what we really want in our lives and what we don‘t. For instance Joy vs. Sorrow, Harmony vs. Discord, Hate vs. Love… . It really is up to us and no one else which\polarity we allow to outweigh the other in our thoughts, emotions and in the lives we live - negative or positive - and where our consciousness resides. Even if we find ourselves in a life situation, relationship at home, or work environment which seems irrevocably negative, we can choose which direction we allow our thoughts and words to gravitate to and how we respond to it.
When my three kids were small, I constantly used the experiences in our life together to teach them how to take responsibility for their thoughts, emotions and lives. I remember very well, the sad puppy eyed, sympathy ploys of passing the buck attempts.
“He made me do it ! He made me mad!”
“She made me sad.”
"They made me feel guilty …”
I’m sure they all remember me asking: “Did he put a gun to your head? Even if he did..." I would continue, "your thoughts are your own. No one can make you feel the way they want you to, your thoughts are yours."
I would use times in our lives, such as when one family member was being manipulative and trying to instill guilt or control through moods to illustrate how we could rise above either the conscious or unconscious attempts at manipulation, to choose our own emotions and remain guilt free and in a good mood regardless of the pressure of others. When I felt they were old enough I shared the stories of holocaust survivors such as Viktor Frankl who, even with a gun to his head in a concentration camp, retained the right to his emotional & intellectual autonomy, and went even further in their attempts to uplift others.
"…everything can be taken from us but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances - to choose one’s own way." - Viktor Frankl, neurologist, psychiatrist, author of Man’s Search For Meaning: Experiences in the Concentration Camp.
In the next blog I’ll continue on this topic. After all “In the beginning was the word…”
